Teaching emotional intelligence, communication, and problem-solving through connection
At La Playa Cooperative, conflict isn’t viewed as a disruption to learning—it is learning. When young children experience disagreements, frustration, or big feelings, they are building foundational skills they will use for the rest of their lives: emotional regulation, empathy, communication, and flexible problem-solving.
Our conflict-resolution approach is rooted in three evidence-based frameworks: Emotion Coaching, Respectful Parenting / Co-Regulation, and Collaborative Problem Solving. Together, these practices create a supportive, predictable, and emotionally safe environment where children learn how to navigate conflict, rather than simply being told what to do.
Emotion Coaching: Teaching Emotional Intelligence
At La Playa, we acknowledge that emotions are not “good” or “bad”—they are information. When a child is upset, our teachers slow down and help them understand what they are experiencing.
Our process:
- Validate the child’s emotional experience (“You’re feeling really frustrated.”)
- Allow the full expression of feelings without rushing or shutting emotions down
- Name the emotion to build emotional literacy
- Co-regulate—the teacher stays present and calm until the child’s body returns to regulation
- Problem-solve after the child is calm, never during emotional overwhelm
This helps children learn that their feelings are valid and manageable, while modeling healthy coping skills they can use independently over time.
Co-Regulation & Respectful Parenting Philosophy
We believe that children deserve the same respect, patience, and consideration as adults—even when their bodies are full of big feelings.
In practice, this looks like:
- Welcoming all feelings (“It’s okay to feel mad. I’m here with you.”)
- Holding clear, consistent limits on behavior (“I won’t let you hit. You can tell me you’re angry with your words.”)
- Staying close, grounded, and calm so children borrow our regulation
- Avoiding minimizing language, such as “You’re fine,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “Calm down”
This approach communicates to the child: “Your emotions do not overwhelm me. You are safe.”
When children feel seen and secure, their nervous systems settle and their ability to problem-solve increases naturally.
Collaborative Problem Solving: Working Together, Not Imposing Solutions
Once everyone is calm, we invite children to work together on finding a solution that respects both perspectives. This empowers children and reduces the need for adult-imposed rules.
We follow three simple steps:
- Pause. Everyone takes a moment so bodies and minds are ready to listen.
- Hear both sides.
“What happened for you?”
“How were you feeling?” - Work together on a solution.
We gently guide the process but let children generate ideas whenever possible.
Solutions children create themselves are far more likely to “stick” and help them build empathy, flexibility, and problem-solving confidence.
What This Looks Like in the Classroom
Picture two children wanting the same shovel.
Instead of an adult stepping in with, “Take turns, you’re next,” our teachers support a short process:
- Acknowledge feelings:
“You both really want the shovel. That’s hard.” - Hold limits:
“I won’t let you grab it from each other.” - Co-regulate:
The teacher stays with any child who needs help calming. - Invite collaboration:
“What’s a solution that works for both of you?”
– Maybe one child uses the shovel while the other fills buckets
– Maybe they set a timer
– Maybe they dig together
Children learn they can solve problems respectfully—and that adults are there to help, not to control.
Why This Matters
Our goal is not obedience.
Our goal is emotional resilience, mutual respect, and lifelong social-emotional skills.
By consistently using Emotion Coaching, Co-Regulation, and Collaborative Problem Solving, we help children develop:
- Strong emotional literacy
- The ability to express needs without harmful behavior
- Empathy for others
- Confidence navigating social challenges
- Trust in themselves and in their community
These are the skills that help children become compassionate classmates, thoughtful family members, and capable problem solvers throughout their lives.
