Empathy is our ability to imagine how another person is feeling in a specific situation and respond to them with care.  This takes a while for young children to develop.  But we can begin to lay the foundation for them while they are interacting with other children at school.  There are three main ways in which we do this:

Validate our child’s feelings.  Validating feelings is when we restate what we think a child is feeling.  Sometimes it is obvious what they are feeling.  Other times it isn’t.  But letting your child know that you understand they are having feelings and you accept those feelings helps them to begin to understand and accept their own feelings.

Point out the feelings that others are having.  Once a child can begin to recognize feelings they are having, they can begin to notice when others are having feelings.  It is a natural step for them.  At La Playa, we point out the feelings of others when we are helping them process emotions.  We encourage our parents to point out the feelings others are having while watching a show together.  This gives them practice with identifying emotions in other children.

Guide our children in the process of conflict resolution.  Our conflict resolution process is the main tool that we use to help children develop empathy. Our teachers and parents gently guide children to solve problems together.  During this process each child gets a chance to tell what happened and how they felt about it.  The other child listens.  They reverse roles so that each child gets a chance to talk and listen to their friend.  After the problem is discovered, the children set about trying to agree on a solution. 

The most important part of this process is the listening.  This is where children begin to hear that their friend has a different point of view which is crucial in empathy building.

There are many more ways to assist preschoolers with understanding others.  There is a great article about empathy from the Harvard Graduate School of Education.  You can access the article here. 

La Playa is a place for children to learn.  We learn through primarily play.  The children’s interactions with each other provide fertile ground for practicing empathy building.  It’s a natural process and very important work for their success later in life.

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Due to Covid we had removed many places where the children would be placed next to each other. We also made sure that there was as much air flow around them as possible. Under a table with the sides closed off was a definite no-no. This was a valid reason to let it go.

However, with times easing up in September, we decided to recreate the quiet space area. It has been wonderful to watch the children and parents use the space. 

Immediately, children explored the area. It got very crowded as the children scooted over to make room for their friends. A few conflicts happened as friends got attached to their specific place under the table. They claimed ownership over certain pillows. Ownership is an important precursor to sharing so this is something that we encourage. Our friends are learning how to say “Can I have a turn when you’re done?” They are also learning how to say, “Yes, you can use it when I’m done.” The valuable concept of turn taking is an essential life skill. Using pillows in the quiet space provided the perfect opportunity to practice it.

Our new soft space was placed next to the book corner. Many of them chose a book and looked at it under the table, leaning on the pillows. Often, they would ask an adult to read them a story. Watching parents and children together beautifully demonstrated the idea of a parent participation preschool. Parents were reading to their own children as well as other friends who happened to wander by. 

One day we had a “veterinary clinic” in our imaginative play area. The friends took great care of our stuffed animals. One of our three year olds took 3 bunnies over to the quiet space. There were 4 pillows placed in the area. She gently leaned each bunny against a cushion one by one. And then she rested against the last pillow. Each animal had its own cushion. Matching objects together to create sets is a math skill. This is one way in which academics are learned in a play-based environment. 

Eventually, children began to use it in different ways. I watched as one child lay back on the pillows and watched the other friends. The beauty of a quiet space is that children can take a little break when they feel overwhelmed or simply tired. Young ones need the opportunity to experience relaxing when this happens. Some of our friends would sit under the table and read a book. It’s important for preschoolers to begin to notice when their body is needing down time. The quiet space allows for that. This one aspect of our environment has been wonderful to document. Each part of the preschool classroom contributes to a young child’s development in numerous ways. We have been able to watch the children develop friendships, pay attention to their energy levels, and enhance their cognitive development all in this one area: the quiet space.

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Our La Playa world is a better place because Ruth has been a part of it.  No matter where she goes or what she does, she will always be our Teacher Ruth.

I was privileged to interview her before she left.  The following is a transcript of our conversation. 

When did you know that working with young children was what you wanted to pursue for your career?
When I was 12 years old my mom took me to visit a friend of hers who ran a small preschool from her home. And I remember I thought that I liked it and I thought maybe I’ll do this when I grow up. But then I didn’t think about it that much. And then when I went to college I thought what am I gonna do? I need to work. And then I decided I would take child development classes so I could teach preschool while I was going to college while I figured out what I wanted to do. And it ended up being what I wanted to do. Fast forward to when I was 24 years old, I actually got a job teaching at that very same preschool that I went to when I was 12 years old. 

When did you start at La Playa?
October 13th, 1993. It was right before Halloween.

How was La Playa different back then than it is today?
There was one Director and I did all the circle times. The teacher was doing art projects.
The discipline was different. They had a “happy bench “. Where kids would go when they were naughty. They would sit there until they “felt happy”. I brought the conflict resolution in with me. And then Marni and I brought in the guides to speech and action. 

You have done countless parent education talks over the years. Which one is the most memorable. 
I did one once about our words and how the words we choose to use affect our children and the unintentional teaching we do with our children through our behavior. I used an example with my children that I got angry and lost my temper. I heard my daughters talking. One was upset and asking why mommy gets mad. Then the other said I love it when mommy gets mad because that means she’s gonna take us out to dinner. So I realized when I lost my temper I made up with them with food. And I didn’t realize I was teaching them to comfort themselves with food by doing that. To think about what is the unintentional teaching that you are doing with your child by doing things that you are unaware of. To really think about that. I challenged everybody for the week to come up with one thing they could see they were doing and to work on that one thing. Somebody told me it was their cussing at people while they were driving. And then different things like that.

Can you think of a favorite quote that a child said over the years?
Oh, I have one.  But you can’t use it!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  But I have a perfect one.  Otis said, “You know it looks like it’s pretty hard to be a teacher. Thank you.”

Tell me about a memorable activity that you did with the kids?
One time we couldn’t use the building because they were doing work on it so we were at the park and we put some mats down under the trees in the shade. And we rolled around on the mats. I rolled around with the kids and I gave them airplane rides on my feet. That was a really nice memory.

What was your favorite dramatic play activity that has happened at the school from all of your years? 
My favorite was an impromptu dramatic play. It was a Driver’s Ed class. There was no prep for it or anything. Kevin wanted a driver’s license. And so I did a whole drivers Ed class. And they had to take tests. And they had to make little cards with an ID on it and then they got their driver’s license. That one was really fun!

You’ve mentioned your favorite book is “Owl Moon”. What is your second favorite book? 
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. I always loved reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. 

What will you miss the most about La Playa? 
You know, I’m gonna miss a lot of things.  (She said this as she got teary-eyed.)
I’m gonna miss so much about La Playa. My number one thing is just the kids and when I’m having a hard time they make me laugh. They make me smile just being around them. Just watching them. They can always help my mood. But also, the parents. Just having interactions. Getting to know people and those connections. I actually was thinking about this. My world just got a whole lot smaller. I’m not gonna have that many people to talk to.  But of course, I’m gonna be Grammy Ruth.   And that will be great!

We will miss you, Teacher Ruth!  Thank you for all that you have taught us over the years!

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In the fall of 2021 our planters were empty.  The beauty of a parent-participation preschool is that parents are actively involved, so one of our parents brought in some potatoes for us to plant.  

The children planted the potatoes and took great care watering them over the next four and a half months.  Watering plants is something our preschool friends loved to do, and they were in control of how much water to give the plants. Some children poured water from the watering can very carefully, being watchful to dispense just enough water for the potatoes to grow.  Other children poured with complete abandon!  Some of our parents helped with the watering as well and the children would sometimes follow their examples.  La Playa families all take ownership because we are a parent cooperative preschool.  

Teaching preschoolers to care for plants is an easy task since they are naturally garden-loving beings.  Since nature is constantly changing, there is always something new to explore!  

Watching the potato sprouts emerge brought lots of questions: “What is it?” “Where is the potato?” “How come it’s so small?”   The children continued to explore the sprouts as they grew bigger, resulting in some sprouts being picked too early due to a joyful combination of intense curiosity and just a slight lack of impulse control. They wanted to see what was happening under the soil and picking is the best way to see that!

Harvest Time!

At the beginning of harvest time the preschoolers were so excited!  We talked about how we could cook them and what kinds of foods were made from potatoes. This was a great way to bring up diverse interests.  Some friends like mashed potatoes and some don’t, and everyone’s interests are accepted.   We don’t “yuck” a friend’s “yum”.  

Picking, cleaning and cutting the potatoes involved the entire group of children.  Some preschoolers picked and cleaned them while another group of friends sorted…size sorting is a great math activity! Then we all worked together to finish prepping the potatoes to be roasted in the oven.  In a play-based preschool everything can be used as teaching time. 

The children of La Playa were involved every step of the way in our potato curriculum: learning how to plant, care for, clean, cook and eat them!

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On this particular day, our friends were having a great time outside.  They laughed, smiled, squealed with delight as the rain splashed on their faces.    This is the kind of unabashed joy that is synonymous with childhood.  Our friends had a great time exploring our back yard puddles!! And when there is fun to be had it attracts children to it.  

Seeing our friends connect with each other through laughter, rain, and puddles was so rewarding for me.  As a long time teacher of young children, I know that learning happens whenever joy is present. 

It also filled me with delight to see the 3 boys who were laughing out loud as one of them kept sitting down in the puddle.  Logan was enjoying the feel of soaking wet pants.  His friends saw him and thought he needed help getting up, so they each took hold of one of his hands and pulled him up.  As soon as he was up, he sat right back down into the puddle.  In this interaction you could see the kindness of children wanting to help their friend get up because it looked like he fell.  One of the friends, Jaydon, said to his mom, “Mom, he slipped in the water!”  Then he turned to his friend and said, “Don’t worry Pal!” then got ahold of Logan’s hand and pulled him up.  Once they were all standing, the puddle splashing continued.  Their feet stomped in the water as they watched it splash all around them.

Wyatt had been standing on the sidelines watching this whole play scene happen.  He was patiently waiting for his turn in the puddle.  This was great practice at waiting.  Delayed gratification is not always the strength of preschoolers but, when there is the right motivation, it happens easily. Play provides the right motivation to practice life skills.  This is why I love a play-based environment for preschoolers.  They naturally learn in a way that is enjoyable. 

Once Wyatt got his turn in the huge puddle, he stomped his way through it, and then he took off running.  He had been spending a lot of time running through the rain, feeling the rain pelt his face and head.  Earlier in the day I had placed his jacket hood on his head on two different occasions.  Each time he would step back, shake his head so his hood would fall, and then run across the yard smiling a big smile.  He seemed to want to feel the rain on his head.  It feels different when you’re running than when you’re walking in the rain.  He got to feel both experiences.

Later in the day Sofia came outside with her raincoat on and her umbrella open.  Her umbrella was made of clear plastic.  As she walked around the yard the rain fell on it making a distinct sound.  She stopped often to watch the rain falling onto her umbrella.  It kept her attention for a long time.  She was transfixed by the splashes that continually happened above her head.  Observations are how we begin to learn to make sense of our world.  Her exploration of rain has just begun.  

Learning is acquiring new information and storing it in the memory.  Preschool-aged children in Southern California experiencing rain are having fairly new experiences.  These opportunities for play are chances for children to learn more about the world around them which will inevitably help them navigate through life.  

*Names have been changed protect their identity.

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